The Ruth Project

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WELCOME

Learning how to faithfully care for a widow can be a difficult experience of trial and error. Many times, it is hard to know if you have done the right thing at the right time. Often, a widow is unable to express herself while coping with the affects of grief.

At The Ruth Project you will find the encouragement you need to provide faithful service to your friend or loved one grieving the loss of her husband. You will find ideas and suggestions of how to practically help and offer comfort during the early grief period and in the years ahead.

The Ruth Project is named after the passage from Scripture found in Ruth 1:16. Ruth is the daughter-in-law of Naomi, and both of them have lost their husbands. Naomi urges Ruth to return to her people. Ruth refuses, declaring, “Where you go, I will go, and where you stay, I will stay.” The remainder of the book of Ruth reveals this young woman’s perseverance, faithfulness, and loyalty. In this vein, we should all embrace a Ruth approach to caring for widows: with determined faithfulness and compassionate loyalty. Not once did Ruth consider her own needs or comforts, but instead focused entirely on serving Naomi in such a way that she was later described in Ruth 3:11, “...as a women of noble character.”

We hope you will find many ideas here that will offer guidance and encouragement as you reach out to help a friend or relative. Please feel free to send any questions or comments to theruthproject (at) optonline.net.

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ABOUT

History

The Ruth Project was birthed in 2007 out of a passion to encourage others, women especially, to be faithful friends to widows. It began in my heart almost five years ago, when my friend’s husband was diagnosed with cancer. At that time, I was unsure what she needed from me and allowed my insecurities to take over. I stopped calling, because she stopped returning calls. I didn’t visit, because I wasn’t sure she wanted me around. I didn’t make a meal, since I thought someone else probably would. The result was that she felt abandoned by me in her time of need.

Over a cup of coffee, my friend set me straight on what she needed from our friendship. I listened intently, but naively; her husband was miraculously healed at that time. A year later, while my friend was on bed-rest during her pregnancy, her husband’s cancer battle resumed. This time, I vowed to the Lord that I would serve her faithfully. In October of 2005, my friend’s husband went home to be with the Lord, and she found herself widowed and faced with the enormity of being a single mother.

Around the same time, I met a vibrant woman, who was also recently widowed. Just three years earlier, her husband died in a car accident, leaving her with a young son and baby boy on the way.

Over the past two years, I’ve had many conversations with these two precious friends about what it means to live life as a widow. I’ve learned so much as they have shared their hearts, their fears, and their hopes with me. It is from these conversations that The Ruth Project has been established, with the hope that we will pass onto others the many lessons we’ve learned, and especially so that others may be encouraged as they strive to be a faithful, loving friend to a widow desperately trying to find her new normal.

I have yet to learn how to do this myself, but I am on a mission of doing it better and helping others in the process. If you would like to know more about me, please visit my blog, Extravagant Grace.

Mission

The Ruth Project is designed to encourage and equip friends, family, and home churches of widows, with ideas and suggestions that would be a blessing to a widow during the initial loss of her husband and over the long term as they find their new normal.

Biblical Call

The Ruth Project is humbly responding to the Biblical call found in Isaiah 1:17, “...learn to do right! Seek justice, encourage the oppressed. Defend the cause of the fatherless, plead the case of the widow...” through following the example of Ruth.

Statement of Faith

The Ruth Project has no affiliation with a particular church or denomination. However, the team supports the Statement of Faith published by the Willow Creek Association and by Christian Women Online.

If you have any questions or comments, please free free to send an email to the theruthproject (at) optonline.net.

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ENCOURAGING IDEAS

May you be commended for your desire to help a grieving widow as she looks for her new normal. The following ideas are merely suggestions of ways you can offer your support and encouragement, immediately and long term.

Be Available...

Make time for her, even it it means putting your needs aside. Look for signs that indicate her most difficult time of the week, and be a presence in her life at that very moment.
Make time to listen, whether it be for a phone call or time together. But don’t hold back for the perfect opportunity. Seize the moment. Plan it. Whatever it takes, just do it.

Be Supportive...

Be willing to meet a physical need, like picking up the groceries or shoveling the driveway. Look for practical ways to help, like watching her children while she mows the lawn. Even better, show up when she's not home and mow the lawn for her!
Encourage her to find a support group and seek out a counselor.
Offer to accompany her to doctors appointments, court dates, or celebrations.
Give her flowers, cards, music, gifts for no reason at all.
Send her notes with Scriptures promising God’s love and faithfulness, but do be tender to the state of her faith as she grieves.
Sit with her in church and at events.
Offer her a ride to church, a party, or school function.
Treat her to dinner and a light-hearted movie.
Offer to watch her kids in the evening, so she can go out by herself or with other friends.

Be Understanding...

There is no time frame on grief.
Allow her time to heal slowly and without expectation.
Love her unconditionally.
Give her a hug, a touch to remind her of the warmth of human touch.
Listen for suicidal thoughts and be sure to seek help for her if the situation warrants.

Be Useful...

Encourage her to create a new financial budget and wise financial choices.
Support her decisions to pursue an affordable lifestyle, even if it means making dramatic changes, including a move, a new job, or giving up an expensive hobby. Be available to her as she talks through ideas pertaining to housing, income, transportation, travel.
Help her to find a job or a way to generate additional income.
Fill the freezer each month.
Even better, bring fresh meals!
Offer to store family photographs until the pain lessons.

Be Careful...

Not to act offended if she does not show her appreciation for what you are doing. She can’t. She’s hurting.
To not over step bounds by giving advice repeatedly, unless you see her hurting herself or her children.
To not assume that offering to help gives you the right to voice your opinion.
To not share the details of your conversations to others.
To not fix her up with a date.

For additional ideas, resources, please visit our Resource page.

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RESOURCES

The following links will lead you to additional resources located at various web sites. Most of these resources speak directly to the widow, however, you may be able to read through the material and see which fit her situation.

Please keep in mind, that these sites may be changed or modify with notification. If you come across any offensive or inappropriate content, as well as a broken link, please contact The Ruth Project at theruthproject (at) optonline.net.

Advice

What New Widows Should Know ~ http://www.crosswalk.com/1386183/
Don't Send a Sympathy Card ~ http://www.focusonthefamily.com/focusmagazine/A000000904.cfm
Coping with Grief During the Holidays, information sheet available from Focus on the Family
Bereavement Work: advocates specific tasks for getting through loss ~ Christianity Today
Please Do and Don't ~ Christianity Today

Death & Grief

Death and Grief Series by Focus on the Family ~ http://www.family.org/lifechallenges/A000001330.cfm
After the Death of a Husband ~ https://www.family.org/lifechallenges/A000002834.cfm
Encouraging messages from The Billy Graham Foundation ~ http://www.billygraham.org/SpiritualHelp_Article_Index.asp?MajorTopicID=3&MinorTopicID=25
Resources from Hospice ~
http://www.hospicenet.org/html/bereavement.html
Resources from Stephen’s Ministries ~ http://www.stephenministries.org/griefresources/default.cfm/774

Finding a Counselor

Focus on the Family offers assistance in this area ~ http://family.custhelp.com/cgi-bin/family.cfg/php/enduser/std_adp.php?p_faqid=12

Single Parents

Instep Ministries ~ http://www.instepministries.com/index.asp
Hope & Help for the Single Mom ~ http://www.hope4singlemoms.com/
Advice to Single Parents, by Virginia Watts Smiths, available from Focus on the Family

Financial & Legal Matters

After the Will is Read, by Larry Burkett at Focus on the Family ~ http://www.family.org/lifechallengesA000001303.cfm
Royal Treasure, A Christian Widows Guide ~ http://www.royaltreasure.org/html/widows_guide.html
Crown Financial Ministries ~ http://www.crown.org/

Books, Authors & Speakers

Will I Ever Be Whole Again, by Sandra Aldrich ~ http://www.sandraaldrich.com/wiebwaex.html
From One Single Mother to Another ~ http://www.sandraaldrich.com/fosmtaex.html
When God Interrupts: Finding New Life Through Unwanted Change, by M. Craig Barnes (Intervarsity Press)
Widowhood: Are You Prepared, by John G. Watts, booklet available from Focus on the Family
Dee Brestin and Women’s Friendship Ministries ~ http://www.deebrestin.com/
Living Through the Death of a Spouse,an interview with Dee Brestin by Focus on the Family ~ http://resources.family.org/product/life+challenges/grief+-+personal+loss/b01144d+living+through+the+loss+of+a+spouse.do?
Elisabeth Elliot ~ http://www.elisabethelliot.org/index.html
The Satisfied Heart, by Ruth Myers
The Widows' Might, by Miriam Neff ~ Christianity Today
WidowConnection.com
Holly Chappa ~ http://www.hollychapa.com/

Inspiring

State Farm Embrace Life Awards ~ http://www.sfembracelifeawards.com/default.aspx
WAY Foundation ~ http://www.wayfoundation.org.uk/index.htm

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CONTACT

Please free to email theruthproject (at) optonline.net, with any questions, comments, or concerns. We will be in touch with you within three to five business days.

If you are looking for a professional counselor or support network, we recommend that you contact Focus on the Family.

Thank you.

The Ruth Project Team

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SUPPORT

Thank you for your interest in supporting The Ruth Project. We would encourage your participation in one of the following ways:

Feedback

Let us know how this information has been helpful to you or a friend, if the links are working well, or if you know of a resource that should be linked up to The Ruth Project. Please email theruthproject (at) optonline.net.

Stories

Share with us the way you've practically encouraged a widow, or have been encouraged, with permission to use your story on The Ruth Project website. We would love for you to tell us how this site has impacted you personally. Send your story to theruthproject (at) optonline.net.

Prayer

Please pray for The Ruth Project team to be equipped and wise in responding to the care of widows and encouraging others to do so as well.

Contributions

We are not accepting any financial contributions at this time. However, we hope to produce packets of information for churches and community groups in the future. At that time, any financial gift would off-set those expenses. If you would be interested, please email theruthproject (at) optonline.net, with your contact information.

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